The New Girl in Town
It is a warm morning and I am being carried out of the Los Angeles airport by a stream of people. I have been washed up on Hollywood’s shores. It’s about time.
All passengers that exited LAX that day have their own story to tell. This one is mine. I am 25 years old. For the past 10 years, I have worked my way up to become a successful actress and a best-selling author in my home country of Germany. I am also a single mother, and an unapologetic dreamer. Last but not least, I am somebody who wants to start over right here. I have to. I am the new girl in town.
I will never forget the moment, when I stepped out of the airport for the first time. I could not stop staring at the sky. It was the most surreal and most amazing blue I had ever seen. I continued looking up, annoying other passengers who had to avoid bumping into me. I tuned out their angry comments, ignored the chaos surrounding me. I just remember complete silence, reminiscing how I started this trip a decade ago in my small German home town. And how I had come such an incredibly long way to the city of the bluest sky. It took even longer than the 14 hour plane trip with an infant – and that had felt like an eternity.
A man who rammed his large suitcase into my hip brought me back to reality. Unfortunately, my reality was considerably more cloudy than that sky above me. I was standing next to three gigantic “Louis Vuitton”-suitcases and a stroller with my nine month old son sleeping in it. However, nothing weighted heavier on my heart than having the sole responsibility for both of us and my deep-rooted fear of failing my child.
To better understand why I left my “comfort zone” in Germany, I have to take you back eight months. I was doing great. Despite an often rocky path, I had made a name for myself in show business. My first book about my rise to prominence was fresh off the presses and became a bestseller. Even more important, I had just opened up a totally new chapter in my life: motherhood. I was looking forward to life with my little family - with the most beautiful child in the world and the man I loved. I finally felt that I found a warm and comfortable home in life, something that I had searched for in vain walking the red carpets in Germany. But it was not meant to be. The father of my child left me abruptly, even before we took our first stroll outside as a family. I felt devastated, crushed, almost incapable of breathing because of my broken heart. I cried every day.
For months. I constantly stared at the door, hoping that he might come back. Until the morning when I woke up and finally realized, he had left us for good.
I looked at the mirror. Looking back at me was this pale, emaciated old woman. I did not know her. I did not like her. Next to her, a perfect little Baby was sleeping. It had the sunshine in its heart, totally oblivious to the trials and tribulations of this cruel world. My mother’s instinct took over. I suddenly knew what I had to do: I wanted to be the best mother I could be and shielding the sunshine in this little boy’s heart as long as I could. He did not deserve having this disappointed woman with dark thoughts as his Mommy. My eyes fell on a postcard that I had stuck on the door of my fridge. It said “A change might be just around the corner.” I had totally forgotten that I actually have to walk around the corner to experience it!!
That night I booked a flight to LA. I wanted to start over. I wanted to fight, to laugh, to cry, to fall, to dream and to win in the end.
And now I was standing at the airport in Los Angeles .
I got financial resources that will last us one year. By then, I have to have it made. I am not looking for glamour, the glossy stories that are expected of an “It Girl”. I want something more rewarding, something more exciting. I want to experience the real life with all its up and downs. And you can accompany me.
As I said, everybody who stepped out off the airport into the California sunshine that day has his or her own very special story. This one is mine.